Are you at work? Because if you are, maybe skip this one. There are some topics I tend not to blog about; not out of any sense of decorum, it’s just.. this is a travel magazine.
While Studio Ready’s Hot Coffee Scrub doesn’t exactly relate to travel, when a friend sent me this link— (and holy shit do not click on this link if you are at work),— I felt I had to share it with you.
Ok, I will stop dancing around this… the Hot Coffee Scrub I mentioned? It’s for your butt. It’s a special scrub that you apply in the shower before your special someone or maybe your scene partner (— we’ll get to this in a sec) gives you a rim job.
Yes, a butt scrub for rim jobs. Yes, such a thing exists. Yes, its tagline—”sit on his face with confidence”—deserves a freaking Pulitzer. And yes, I bought one.
I’ll tell you why in a minute.
It’s inspired by products used behind the scenes in adult film production, aptly named Studio Ready. It makes a lot of promises, including to help prevent ingrown hairs, deter bumps and razor burn, soften pubic hair, smooth skin, and even to help fade discoloration. The reviews are very detailed.
Is it just a coffee scrub? Not exactly. I’ll let the Studio Ready marketing team elaborate:
“The aroma is a rich blend of dark chocolate and mocha with a soft vanilla and coffee accord, complemented by oils of almond, grape seed, and sunflower for an earthy, velvety note.”
Studio’s Ready FAQ section delves even deeper, “Studio Ready is different because it complements the natural scent of your skin. You won’t taste exactly like coffee— that’s a common misconception. In fact, the coffee and ingredients in Studio Ready helps to reset the olfactory glands in your nose so you can experience his most natural scent.”
I did it.
Let’s just say that after my boyfriend and I took our new scrub to San Francisco, he wasn’t laughing anymore. Man, did it smell good.
So what happened?
Well, here goes.
We got room service for lunch because we didn’t leave the hotel room. I didn’t want to leave the hotel room. He didn’t want to leave it either.
When we woke up that morning, I showered as directed, massaging all over my butt and then dried off. It couldn’t be. It felt like new.
Does it taste like coffee?
It’s difficult to describe. According to Studio Ready, “coffee is used to neutralize odour, as well as to tighten and illuminate the skin on your derrière.” They go on to promise “a natural, musky, welcoming scent.”
And that’s mostly true.
It’s not your average coffee scrub, that’s for sure. I’ve tried others, such as Frank’s, and Studio Ready is something else.
If ass could taste any better, while still tasting like ass, Studio Ready figured it out. Musky, clean, and indeed welcoming.
Did he like it?
I think my eyes rolled back into my head more than once.
He didn’t stop. He wouldn’t stop. He went full on beast mode. I’ll spare you more details, but he would not let go of me, and I was fine with that. Funny as it may sound, this scrub created an entirely new level of intimacy between us.
I’ll go out on a limb and call this a relationship therapy tool. At least it was for us.
Snazzy marketing photos… wish that was me.
I get it now.
Really, I do. As soon as you’re about to get intimate, there’s always that lingering question, “did I miss a spot?”
Sometimes you want to get wild, but you’re hesitant.
Well, Studio Ready takes care of that.
I asked my followers on Twitter about Studio Ready, and this guy from LA said he cancelled his Netflix to pay for his Studio Ready butt scrub subscription. Welcome to the future.
I suppose I have to respect Studio Ready as a business. I mean, they saw a void and filled it. A void in the market I mean… get your mind out of the gutter.
Top of gay Instagram
They’re definitely up to something. Their hero product has already garnered 50,000+ followers on Instagram @studioready, as well as press in OUT.com, Hornet.com, Askmen.com, and hundreds of steamy five stars reviews on their website and in their IG highlights @studioready – NSFW
And if you’re anything like me, you’re still wondering why you didn’t think of this first.
Often imitated, not easily duplicated
And lastly, you’re probably wondering why this can’t be made at home. And it’s a good question. So I fired off a DM to the Founder of Studio Ready on Instagram @alexdemiami
He told me about counterfeit butt scrubs and others who try to imitate Studio Ready either by making it at home or by selling their own little black jars. “If you want to make a coffee scrub at home then mix sugar, coffee and coconut oil. But that’s not what we’re selling. You won’t get the same consistency that we’re famous for.”
He continues, “Companies and people try to copy Studio Ready all the time. This is something every luxury brand grapples with.”
He goes on about how not all scrubs are created equal, “In our research center, we have a library of every scrub on the market, including the copycats, and they’re sealed in airtight bins because they smell like moth balls or cheap menthol and I can’t stand it. They’re so synthetic.”
His customers get confused sometimes by knockoffs, “I feel bad when my customers are tricked into buying counterfeits. I always remind them that Studio Ready products are only available at studioready.com. We don’t sell anywhere else.”
He was quick to point out, that he’s always chatting up customers on Instagram, “My customers are my friends. Tell your readers to DM me @alexdemiami if they have a question.”
I’m grateful my friend sent me that link. I owe him a drink. Or maybe five.
Check them out on Instagram for the butts, boys and more.